Habits

Habits we all have them some good some bad. Habits can be quite the challenge to change and or maintain for the majority of us. And why do I say the majority of us because if we all had good habits and maintained it there would be no poor no homeless no unhealthy people or persons. As for me I have many bad and some terrible habits that at times cause me to back peddle on this journey towards success of mines… I will not lie and say it has been all happy nor all bad but this story today is about my habits of behavior. Some of which I am not proud of nor do I want; because of the way it makes me feel inside. I have quite the temper of which most loved ones steer clear of. I do not do this intentionally I say this because of an ingrained set of values and beliefs that we all learn through childhood and solidify during our adolescence. We may tweak them here and there depending on what results we reach. But for those that grew up just as I have know that sometimes we do things before we act because we have in the past either gotten away without facing the consequences or just accepted the consequences. And now as I am a grown adult learning how to adult in my 30’s I can’t help but to feel helplessness and frustration. I feel as if my Whole life was lived in vain. I can not honestly say that I feel confident in my future or my path to become successful. That right there scares me more than anything it scares me more then death does. Not knowing if you are doing the right things at the right time, not knowing if it’s ok to be angry or sad because you have no idea what you are doing and if it’ll all pan out like you once dreamed it would, is f**king terrifying. So now back to habits and creating good ones and changing bad ones. It’s more then just saying to yourself “trust the process” because the end result isn’t tangible it isn’t something we can see instantly. I always find myself loss all the time wondering and saying to myself what am I even doing and where do I even want to be or go in life. I am praying as I write this for God to send some guidance and I’m pray that I am diligent enough about my positive habits and my outlook on life that I can see the message and capitalize on my blessings. So I will leave you with this even if you don’t feel sure of the process have faith in it as one should in GOD.

Lake Washington

Peace of Mind. Don’t misinterpret me and believe that you have to be doing something or being around hanging out with people to have a peace of mind. To me having a peace of mind is just a state of mind in other words perspective and how one perceives the world in his or her mind will dictate ones mental health. I’ve spent between 9 to 11 years going in and out of prison but I’ve never felt as if I was locked up. I’ve always referred to it as a vacation. Lol… Yes just as you think I am crazy so did all of my friends. You can contain and immobilize my body but you cannot imprison my mind… So back to the moral of this story be good do things that’ll give you a peace of mind for that is most important.

Humility is hard to practice in real time.

It’s not where you’ve been or how you made it, that matters to most people. Most people are too selfish to even give you a bit of their time, especially if you’re a nobody; a regular joe shmo . As life happens we loose ourselves in the hustle and bustle of earning money and not leaving time for mental health activities. Having a peace of mind in all that you do is of the utmost importance for your own happiness. I find myself fighting with this many times not during the month,week,days, but sometimes within the hours and minutes. It’s like my mind goes naturally towards negative and petty thoughts so easily that I get lost in them and start following this line of thinking without even being aware of it and then bam I start feeling emotions of anger, resentment, sadness all the above of the unhappy feelings. And next thing you know I’m 4 cigarettes in and done loss sight of my priorities that lady her name is Tatiana she walked up to me just to say hi I had to put down my phone push aside my thoughts and talked to her. I didn’t have to but I grew up being taught to respect everyone and that I am no better than no one. So we had a great conversation she asked me for a dollar I asked her what it was for she said food and I said that I couldn’t help her but I could offer her a cold soda pop. She excepted it gratefully and then offered to pay me a dollar for it I was like didn’t you just ask me for a dollar. I ended up giving her a can of soda and a cigarette for a dollar. Moral of the story is take a minute humble yourself. hear the stories others have to tell, it’ll put life back into perspective and help in your self growth. Buddha, Jesus, Mohamed and all other great leaders before and after them did exactly this. GOD is first GOD is the only one true thing we should believe in.

Family Time!

Time is something that you can never get back; unfortunately. So on this note, I encourage you all to spend time with those you love and loves you back. My favorite line is “How does one spell Love or Time?” For me Time is spelt L.O.V.E. and Love is spelt T.I.M.E. and you are never ever too busy to make time. Because time is a choice just like it’s your choice to believe in GOD. I know now and that’s to not force my love unto others that do not want to receive it, because it turns into a burden for them as they are not ready to return or my favorite word Reciprocate my love. Anyhow this post is about my baby niece that’s all grown up lol. I love the little moments I get to spend with this munchkin she really puts a smile on my face. Well it’s more like I embarrass her and that makes me smile and laugh hahaha. So moral of this story is spend time with your loved ones before it’s too late. Take it from one who has loss many friends a grandmother that raised me and my baby sister that was 19 and six months pregnant. One Love Much Love Tap’N

Anger

What to do when you get angry It happens to the best of us and sometimes the energy of people we run into just clashes with ours causing the calm spirit to vibrate and spin into a cyclone of negative emotions and in the end causes us well in this case myself to be in a state of inner turmoil I feel and believe no outer entity can calm this storm that’s brewing I am outwardly seeming as the eye of the storm where it is calm but inwardly a raging hurricane praying that no one gets caught in this storm I am coming to the realization that this is ok to feel this way and it’s not how I feel but weather I choose to become impulsive and relapse into negative and destructive behavior or find myself an outlet that’s beneficial to me weather it’s venting with words or through physical activities i am in the process of learning to channel my unwanted emotions into a productive force driving myself towards the me that I want to be.

Depression Happiness

The saying smile now cry later couldn’t be more true I am so young but I feel as if I’ve lived through so many moments of good and bad experiences To anyone reading this if you are alone if you are struggling financially if you are struggling mentally and if you feel as if you can endure no more please please I am here for you I may not reply right away I it my take me a few days but I guarantee that on the 7th day I will reply so give me 7 days should you feel like ending it all for I am here to listen to you I do not know you but I can feel your happiness and sorrows through this energy we call communication energy is everywhere and everything please take a moment breathe carefully re-evaluate where you are in life and ask yourself what can you do differently as to not repeat the same results as you have always done if you have no answer reach out to someone anyone of no one listens or has positive feedback for you reach out to me

Don’t be embarrassed stay humble

Being humble is not easy guys let me tell you how embarrassing doing the right things for yourself can be. It’s almost like we set these dumb standards for ourselves and others for what reason I do not know. But what I do know is that I no longer feel the urge to impress or worry about what the next person thinks of me and of what I am doing because as Buddha did by giving up his riches of royalty and becoming what we may call today a bum with disrespect or was that meant as a disrespect I say bum others say beggar to me in this day in age that is one and the same thing but back to my story I am following his lead by humbling myself in order to take care of myself does that make sense to whoever may be reading this? Anyhow God bless you all and I’m out Tap’N with y’all later!